Unfortunately, although my experience of SlutWalk last weekend was powerful and gratifying, I can’t say that it was perfect. There were some women who chose (as was their right) to be completely topless in the march. One woman in front of me was doing just that, chanting with the rest of us and having a generally good time. Until a man who wasn’t part of the march came right up in front of her, basically halting her in the midst of the crowd, and tried to take a picture of her breasts.
The man was heckled out by the woman and people around her, but the incident sent a shiver down my spine. It reaffirmed why we were out there, yes, but it also made me wonder: how do we ever feel safe if we can’t even be safe in that setting? And, perhaps even more key, how do we protect/aid each other in feeling safe and restoring safety?
NYPD were flanking the march the entire time, and when they saw this man, yes they kept him out of the area, but he continued to follow the march and snap pictures from afar. The protection clearly wasn’t coming from them. The message of the march, that no one can violate someone’s bodily autonomy, was shattered and there was no one on call to help. Support, I conclude, has to come from within the community.
And it did. There were people around this woman that came to talk to her and check in, came to push the creep out of the march space, but I remember feeling helpless. I’ve felt that same lack of safety before, and it makes me freeze up like a rabbit before darting away. It all comes down to that moment: do I fight or do I flee? One of the chants during the march was “What do you do when you’re under attack? Stand up, fight back!” but I don’t believe that’s always an option. I know that I myself do not have the tools necessary to help in that situation, whether it were myself or someone else I needed to help, and it makes me sad that I don’t have a sufficient toolkit that can help me learn.
How do we keep ourselves and others safe? I don’t have all the answers. If you have more thoughts on this than I do, let me know in the comments.
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2 thoughts to “At Slutwalk NYC: Are We Ever Safe?”
The best thing you can do to prepare is use City Maps. It's a virtual map of NYC that shows the city block by block. Just be aware of what neighborhoods you are going into and what time it is… there are steps you can take to protect yourself.
To Anonymous: The whole point of SlutWalk is that she shouldn't have to "take steps to protect [herself]." She should be able to walk where ever she wants wearing whatever she feels like and feel safe. She shouldn't have to plan her life around "I need to google maps this so I am walking in a place where I feel safe." The only true rape prevention tip is to not rape.
Not to mention that the majority of sexual assaults don't happen late at night in sketchy places–most happen in homes, in dorm rooms, at friends houses by people the survivor knows.
I feel you on the bystander effect Jordon–it reminds me of the event at Barnard last year that Hollaback! had where we discussed seeing someone else being sexually harassed and checking in to see if they were okay. It's sad that often this interference comes after someone feels violated because it's not always safe to intervene or people don't know how to intervene.
I really hated the chant "What do we do when we are under attack? Stand up, fight back!" Survivors of violence generally react in three ways: flight, fight, or freeze. All three of those are perfectly legitimate ways to survive an attack, and in so many situations it's just not safe to fight back. I was definitely bothered that on a march speaking out against violence there was a chant that could make survivors feel guilty about how they responded to their assault.
This is all over the place and doesn't provide any answers or even anything remotely helpful, but knowing us we will be discussing this in person soon 🙂
–Amee
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